Bipolar disorder is a complex mental health condition that affects millions of people worldwide. It’s not just about mood swings; it involves deep emotional, cognitive, and sometimes even physical challenges. For those who care about someone with bipolar disorder, knowing how to communicate effectively is crucial.
Unfortunately, well-meaning comments can sometimes do more harm than good. Below, we explore phrases to avoid and why they can be damaging, along with suggestions for more supportive alternatives.
Avoid Dismissive or Minimizing Statements
One of the most common mistakes people make when talking to someone with bipolar disorder is minimizing their experience. Phrases like “Everyone has mood swings sometimes” or “You’re just overreacting” can make the person feel misunderstood and invalidated.
Bipolar disorder is not the same as everyday mood fluctuations. The manic and depressive episodes are intense, often disruptive, and far beyond typical emotional responses. Dismissing these experiences can make the person feel isolated and reluctant to seek help. Instead, try acknowledging their feelings with statements like, “I can see this is really difficult for you. How can I support you?”
“Just Snap Out of It” or “Think Positively”
Telling someone with bipolar disorder to “snap out of it” or “just be happy” reflects a fundamental misunderstanding of the condition. Depression in bipolar disorder isn’t a choice—it’s a medical condition that affects brain chemistry. Similarly, mania isn’t simply high energy; it can involve risky behavior, insomnia, and impaired judgment.
Encouraging positivity isn’t inherently bad, but implying that their struggle is a matter of willpower can be deeply frustrating. A better approach is to offer patience and understanding: “I’m here for you, no matter how you’re feeling.”
Steer Clear of Stigmatizing Language
Words carry weight, and using stigmatizing language can reinforce negative stereotypes about mental illness. Avoid phrases like:
- “You’re acting crazy.”
- “Are you off your meds?”
- “You’re so bipolar today.”
These statements reduce the person’s experience to a label and can make them feel judged or ashamed. Bipolar disorder is a medical condition, not a character flaw. Instead of using judgmental language, focus on expressing concern in a non-accusatory way: “I’ve noticed you’ve been struggling lately. How can I help?”
“But You Seem Fine!”
Because bipolar disorder involves periods of stability, many people assume that if someone appears okay, they must be “cured.” However, bipolar disorder is a lifelong condition that requires ongoing management. Saying “But you seem fine!” can invalidate the person’s internal struggles and discourage them from being open about their challenges.
A more supportive response might be: “I’m glad you’re doing well right now, but I know it’s a continuous journey. Let me know if you ever need to talk.”
Don’t Compare Their Experience to Others
Comparing someone’s bipolar disorder to another person’s mental health struggles—or even to your own occasional mood swings—can feel dismissive. Statements like “My cousin has bipolar disorder, and they don’t act like this” or “I get sad too, but I don’t let it control me” create unnecessary pressure and shame.
Every individual’s experience with bipolar disorder is unique. Instead of comparing, try saying: “I may not fully understand what you’re going through, but I’m here to listen.”
“You’re Just Being Lazy”
During depressive episodes, people with bipolar disorder may struggle with low energy, lack of motivation, and difficulty completing daily tasks. Calling them “lazy” ignores the very real impact of depression on their ability to function.
Instead, offer compassion: “It’s okay if you’re not feeling up to things right now. Is there anything I can do to help?”
Avoid Giving Unsolicited Advice
While you may want to help, offering unsolicited advice—especially about medication, therapy, or lifestyle changes—can come across as condescending. Avoid saying things like:
- “You should try yoga instead of taking meds.”
- “Maybe if you just exercised more, you’d feel better.”
Unless you’re a mental health professional, it’s best to leave treatment recommendations to doctors and therapists. Instead, ask: “Have you found anything that helps you manage your symptoms?” This keeps the conversation open and respectful.
“It’s All in Your Head”
Mental health conditions are real, medical issues—not imaginary or exaggerated. Saying “It’s all in your head” implies that the person can simply choose to stop experiencing symptoms.
A more validating response would be: “What you’re going through is real, and I believe you.”
What You Can Say Instead
Now that we’ve covered what not to say, let’s focus on supportive alternatives. Here are some phrases that can help:
- “I’m here for you.”
- “You’re not alone in this.”
- “How can I support you right now?”
- “It’s okay to not be okay.”
The key is to listen without judgment, validate their feelings, and offer support without trying to “fix” them.
Conclusion
Communicating with someone who has bipolar disorder requires empathy, patience, and a willingness to learn. Avoiding harmful phrases and replacing them with supportive language can strengthen your relationship and provide much-needed comfort. Remember, the goal isn’t to have all the answers—it’s to show up with kindness and understanding.
By being mindful of our words, we can create a safer, more compassionate space for those living with bipolar disorder. Mental health matters, and so does the way we talk about it.
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