Reports of disturbing sexual violence have resurfaced in the news. As a survivor and researcher with over 30 years of experience studying abuse, I want to address how we discuss these cases—with utmost respect for victims.
Problematic Terms to Avoid
1. “Bad Temper”
In court, Sean “Diddy” Combs’ defense team called his behavior a “bad temper.” But experts argue abusers often use anger as a calculated tactic—not a loss of control. Sociologist Evan Stark described it as “losing control to gain control.” Abusers may appear calm in public but use rage to dominate partners privately. Victims, meanwhile, are often mislabeled as “hysterical” or “emotional.”
2. “Satisfy”
Some media outlets claimed male sex worker Daniel Phillip was unable to “satisfy” Cassie Ventura during alleged group encounters. This misleading term implies mutual pleasure—when testimony suggests Ventura was coerced. Reports say Combs directed these acts while masturbating. “Satisfy” has no place in describing abuse.
3. “Escort”
Phillip admitted he was paid for sex, yet some called him an “escort.” The preferred term is “sex worker”—less stigmatizing than “prostitute.” However, “escort” sanitizes the reality: Phillip testified he participated in degrading acts, including urination, and feared Combs.
4. “Argument” or “Fight”
Ventura described “violent arguments” with Combs. But abuse isn’t mutual. Victims often recount being cornered, restrained, or assaulted for hours. The 2016 hotel footage shows Combs kicking Ventura as she lay defenseless. These were assaults, not fights.
5. “Freak-Offs”
Combs allegedly coined this term for orchestrated, drug-fueled group assaults. Indictments say he used coercion, drugs (like ketamine and cocaine), and recordings to blackmail victims. Media outlets have struggled to label these events—calling them “parties” or “orgies” downplays their brutality. Experts suggest terms like “group sexual assaults” or “drug-fueled rape marathons.”
The Scale of Allegations
For nearly 20 years, Combs’ staff allegedly arranged these events—stocking venues with drugs, cameras, and lubricants. Ventura testified rooms were left soiled with bodily fluids. If proven true, these acts dehumanized victims.
Why Language Matters
Words shape perceptions. Calling abuse a “fight” or coercion a “party” obscures the truth. We must use language that centers victims’ humanity.
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